“Write a book,” they told me.
“It’s easy,” they said.
Not when you are bearing your soul in 200 pages, and detailing your business failures, and you want to make a book that’s worth reading!
Not when you are blending in a controversial subject of BDSM and your past as a Dominatrix and turning that into advice for business owners.
No, that is a very different story altogether.
There were many times I would go back and read my own chapter on ‘Digging In’ so that I would lean into the discomfort of writing one more chapter or taking it through one more edit.
The stories from the Dungeon were fun and lit me up to write and edit, but the ones about my business failures would sting. I would rotate between soothing the pain with a glass of wine (or two) and sitting my ass down to take one more pass at it.
It was tempting to give up, and there were times when I had to stop for a month, or more before coming back to it.
Having spent six years as a dominatrix, the best lesson I took away from the dungeon was how to lean into discomfort; not with teeth clenched and body tight, but with deep breathing, heart opening and surrender.
This is the spiritual aspect of Kink, surrendering to what is! This is the message of empowerment that I wanted to bring to business owners. THATis what got me back to the keyboard each time.
I love that I get to bring all of that energy work into how I run my business today. Leaning into each challenge has caused me to become the catalyst for my own growth, to be more, and have more.
Pick up any popular book on personal development and you will see most of them advocate for willpower and resolve to get through your challenges. For so long, we have been told to stick it out, find the strength, push through, with subtle messages thrown in to keep going despite all odds – even despite being sick.
That model is not working any longer. We are suffering from stress-related illnesses, our connections to other people have gone digital, and we are becoming more polarized with each other. It is time for a change in how we manage outcomes and approach people, our jobs, everything.
Time to get reconnected with our instincts and learn to trust ourselves so that we work joyously and efficiently instead of blindly pushing through, expecting that something good has to come at the end of all that effort.
Here’s what happens.
When we stop pushing and start trusting ourselves, we allow our magic to unfold. When we slow down, we can find our creativity again and pick up those incredible ideas that can propel us forward.
It can feel scary to stop pushing – if that is the only way you have ever run your life – but I encourage you to pause and lean into trusting again. There are tools that can help get you there – to help you loosen your grip on attempting to control every outcome.
It is a process of training yourself to react differently. Slowly conditioning yourself to ease off on the gas pedal and take some time away from the challenge in front of you.
Here is a small exercise: Next time something goes sideways or off schedule (big or small), try to feel the resistance and fear creep in. Breathe and ask yourself “what if this is not real?”. Now, imagine opening your body up and the fear flowing out of your feet and into the earth. Releasing the grip of tension until you can hear your own inner voice bubbling up; the one that gives you all those amazing ideas. You can only listen to that voice when you relax.
We will eventually hear the intuitive nudges of who to talk to next, how to write that email or, when it is time for a walk. Over time, this allows us to be more effective with less effort.
It allows us to finish the book!
In being a dominatrix, I became my biggest teacher. I learned that it was never about ‘power over’ as one would assume, but ‘power within’; the power to own who I was and the power to lean into trust. I hope to share those tools and my journey so more women will find the peace and happiness that comes from surrender.
Combining her 20+ years in the wellness and stress management fields along with her experience of building a 7-figure business, Dana Pharant leads her audiences in healthier habits, mindset strategies and authentic presence so they can tap into their inner power, be top performers and close more sales. She is an award-winning speaker, Amazon Bestselling author of Beyond Fear, her new book Inner Dominatrix Guide: Become a Badass in Business is now on sale on Amazon. www.danapharant.com
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Erin shows overscheduled, overwhelmed women how to do less so that they can achieve more. Traditional productivity books—written by men—barely touch the tangle of cultural pressures that women feel when facing down a to-do list. How to Get Sh*t Done will teach you how to zero in on the three areas of your life where you want to excel, and then it will show you how to off-load, outsource, or just stop giving a damn about the rest.